A new year and a new me

New years eve of 2008 I was sitting around with friends celebrating the coming of the new year, I commented about how 2008 sucked and how 2009 had to be better cause it couldnt be any worse. Wow was I wrong, 2009 turned out to be the worst year of my entire life. The first 18 days of 2009 were pretty awesome, Jarod and I were getting back together and everything seemed to be going back to normal. I kept telling myself by time the year was over my life would be right on the track I wanted it to be. January 19th my whole world crumbled around me. I can honestly say I dont remember most of 2009 I spent the year in a fog. Last new years eve I spent over at my parents house because I wanted to be with my family because they were with me during all the hardships of the year. I was so ready for 2009 to be over I just wanted to put the year behind me. 2010 brought on some new friendships, new experiences and some new heartbreaks but after you've hit rock bottom there was really no where to go but up. I'm happy to see 2010 end, I have high hopes for 2011. My plans for this year are to make the year what I want it to be and not let anything stand in my way. I ran a 5K new years eve, my first race ever. Let me tell you what, I thought I was in decent shape but holy shit I struggled a little bit. I will def be ready for the next one. I really really really want to run a marathon. If I'm not ready for it this year I WILL do it next year. My good friend Josh is a personal trainer and he is going to kick my butt this year! He is going to do all these runs with me and hopefully keep me going all year. We are going to do several more 5K races and are training for at least a half marathon sometime this year. Running has become my new escape, its how I'm going to make it through this next year. I have an underarmor shirt of Jarods that he always wore under his vest when he worked. I wore it when I ran yesterday it was kind of like Jarod having his arms around me during my run. I plan on wearing it for every race I run this next year. I wouldnt be doing any of this if it hadnt been for Jarod. He is my motivation and and my strength. I felt him yesterday while running. I had made it to the 2 mile mark and was about to come up this big hill as I tried my hardest to make it to the top I felt like I was going to die. I jogged up to the top of the hill and there was a police officer with her car blocking off the cross road and as I looked up at her car it was car 5 which was Jarods badge number. It just made me realize he was right there and as I wanted to just give up and walk the rest of the way I wasnt going to I was going to keep going and I was going to do it for Jarod! I am going to get stronger and I am going to keep running and there is nothing anyone is going to do to stand in my way. I've really had a hard time the past few weeks with Jarod being gone. I dont know what it is that sparked all of this but I have found myself in tears alot. I'm really hoping that all the running and focusing on not only running but school and then new business with Dad. Hopefully the new year will sprout a new me...and I'm ready for it!